Normally this article provides a detailed assessment and description of the previous nights game by the Championship team know around the world as the 'OverTouchers'.
However, a dramatic turn of events had ensured this article take a different turn today.
We have all heard of a players second year syndrome but last weeks Man of the match, Rami, has broken new ground with 2nd game syndrome.
Just on 8am this morning, the ball playing big man sent through the following note:
"Small tear in the Achilles boys. No running for a few weeks...physio sessions for a while"
Now lets just break that down but first strap yourselves in readers, this may hurt a little.
I am stunned, nay, amazed how such a diagnosis can be determined within 12 hours of the games completion.
Poor old Jonty had also sent through a note after last weeks game that he too had suffered an injury, torn meniscus, within a small amount of hours after the final bell.
Now I thought that the process of determining the extent of injury required one of the following two options;
1. I.C.E Ice Compression Elevation for the first 24 hours after an injury. Let the swelling go down then book a consultation with the great Dr Leo Pinczewski up there on the Pacific Highway at St Leonard's.
The good Doctor would look you over, stare gently into your eyes and ask 'where does it hurt son?' and you would take his skilled advice from there.
OR
2. Post game chug down beers in the club. After the presentations, head down to the Steyne Hotel for more beers that evolve into watered down Bourbon n Cokes. Around 1am you engulf a highly questionable lamb kebab from an un-certified vendor on the corso. With cold fatty meat juices running down your arm you head to Grouchos, which used to be above the Manly Rugby club and you did your best till 3am.
With any hint of muscle injury pain now gone you would start walking home, down Belgrave street. You would inwardly looking out, vision yourself walking to the same strut of John Travolta in the 70's smash hit, Saturday Night Fever. The distinctive Bee Gees song playing in your head ' You can tell by the way i use my walk i'm a woman's man no time to talk.
Hoping a cab with his light on would pick you up. Thus allowing you to sleep in the back until he delivered you safely home.
With this regime executed, you insured you had avoided any medical professional who could diagnose you with a hurty leg and have you sidelined for 2 to 4 weeks with a grade two ACL strain.
Now if Rami and / or Jonty had followed Option 2 they would never have been diagnosed with any type of injury and played on the rest of the season.
There needs to be an independent inquiry into how one of our founding greats and new boy Rami can be diagnosed within half a day with season ending injuries.
I will put it to the Board that it be decreed in the Toucher's constitution that no player be permitted to visit any medical professional within 72 hours of a game's completion. There would be two sub points to that rule allowing for some compassion.
[i] IF such player is removed from the ground via an emergency vehicle such as an ambulance or fire truck or police car but not in handcuffs, then he or she be allowed to miss one game
[ii] IF after 72 hours he or she can still not walk, or talk and/or have some sort of respiratory condition then he or she may present to the Board their case to miss one game.
Other than that your attendance is compulsory
Now I accept that some may feel that these conditions are harsh but let me provide a case study that shows I am right....again.
Rocket, the man also known as The Rookie, returned to the field soon after his finger was re-attached after an incident at the gym. Being driven to the hospital by the Chairman in Rocket's highly powerful BMW, Rocket held his finger by their very sinews that remained attached to his hand.
I'm reliably told that as Rocket started to pass out from shock and blood loss he spoke what he thought was his finals words " bet f---in Full Metal will expect me to play next week huh"
The Chairman, keeping his eyes on the road as he went deep into a left and turn on full throttle, put his left hand gently on Rocket's shoulder and said "YES, the idiot will".
Legend now tells us that Rocket did get ready to play that next week. But after inspecting his dodgy hand and almost puking, I let him have one more week off.
Other stories are told of the VC playing with hamstrings that were as tight as mesh steel wires. The Bulldog has carried dodgy knees since he joined us a sprightly 19 year old :)
These stories can continue. BUT I do offer Jonty a dispensation, the constitution does state that once you are 58 years or older you are allowed to have one game off at a time.
OK, if there is anyone still reading this stuff, I will make up a summary of last nights game.
With the following list of those who weren't available;
...the Toucher's took the field ready to take on the challenge of another game with a depleted playing unit.
The VC made his best decision of the year by bringing down his first born to play alongside him. Now due to her age she cannot be officially mentioned by name in the match report. But scoring two tries on debut was fantastic and maybe a view to the future with the corporation starting a women's team. I just heard the Chairman shudder as he reads this. Embrace female sportswomen mate.
Bulldog and R Plummer the greatest A grader of all time, both played with injury. RP with.... let's just call his concern the ability to keep the back door closed and Bulldog with knees as solid as the bridges BBB is crossing. Bulldog also took home with what looks like a torn rotator cuff. I'm awaiting to hear which recovery option he has chosen !!!!
Smithy had a great night as he was asked to ref the game before. It seems that seem people just get a buzz when put in charge and given a whistle. Sometimes that buzz can be a bit too obvious !!!
NOW we know that this article is not about me. However, for the first 4 weeks I have been taunted that I hadn't yet scored a try. Its not about the glory for me. I am team Toucher and like to sit under the soft light that is championship glory.
But last night the opportunity provided me with the chance to achieve some personal glory.
In following Garmin stats you will technically see the moment that I pleaded with the VC to pass me the ball.
Now isn't that pretty??
Well it's prettier than seeing me have to do a nude run at the end of the season. I suggest it was planned by the playing group to get me that try, so as to avoid seeing that run.
Now as I close I will provide you with the match result, we won 10-2. But they started with 6, then two went down with torn hamstrings and the game was called off with 5 minutes to go. The less mentioned of the game itself the better.
We do now, however, sit alone at the top of the table after our most likely Grand Final opponents lost their game late night.
Yours in need of a strong pain killer and a lie down
FMJ
PS: Have I jinxed myself into a debilitating injury next week. I bet some of you hope so after all that :)
However, a dramatic turn of events had ensured this article take a different turn today.
We have all heard of a players second year syndrome but last weeks Man of the match, Rami, has broken new ground with 2nd game syndrome.
Just on 8am this morning, the ball playing big man sent through the following note:
"Small tear in the Achilles boys. No running for a few weeks...physio sessions for a while"
Now lets just break that down but first strap yourselves in readers, this may hurt a little.
I am stunned, nay, amazed how such a diagnosis can be determined within 12 hours of the games completion.
Poor old Jonty had also sent through a note after last weeks game that he too had suffered an injury, torn meniscus, within a small amount of hours after the final bell.
Now I thought that the process of determining the extent of injury required one of the following two options;
1. I.C.E Ice Compression Elevation for the first 24 hours after an injury. Let the swelling go down then book a consultation with the great Dr Leo Pinczewski up there on the Pacific Highway at St Leonard's.
The good Doctor would look you over, stare gently into your eyes and ask 'where does it hurt son?' and you would take his skilled advice from there.
OR
2. Post game chug down beers in the club. After the presentations, head down to the Steyne Hotel for more beers that evolve into watered down Bourbon n Cokes. Around 1am you engulf a highly questionable lamb kebab from an un-certified vendor on the corso. With cold fatty meat juices running down your arm you head to Grouchos, which used to be above the Manly Rugby club and you did your best till 3am.
With any hint of muscle injury pain now gone you would start walking home, down Belgrave street. You would inwardly looking out, vision yourself walking to the same strut of John Travolta in the 70's smash hit, Saturday Night Fever. The distinctive Bee Gees song playing in your head ' You can tell by the way i use my walk i'm a woman's man no time to talk.
Hoping a cab with his light on would pick you up. Thus allowing you to sleep in the back until he delivered you safely home.
With this regime executed, you insured you had avoided any medical professional who could diagnose you with a hurty leg and have you sidelined for 2 to 4 weeks with a grade two ACL strain.
Now if Rami and / or Jonty had followed Option 2 they would never have been diagnosed with any type of injury and played on the rest of the season.
There needs to be an independent inquiry into how one of our founding greats and new boy Rami can be diagnosed within half a day with season ending injuries.
I will put it to the Board that it be decreed in the Toucher's constitution that no player be permitted to visit any medical professional within 72 hours of a game's completion. There would be two sub points to that rule allowing for some compassion.
[i] IF such player is removed from the ground via an emergency vehicle such as an ambulance or fire truck or police car but not in handcuffs, then he or she be allowed to miss one game
[ii] IF after 72 hours he or she can still not walk, or talk and/or have some sort of respiratory condition then he or she may present to the Board their case to miss one game.
Other than that your attendance is compulsory
Now I accept that some may feel that these conditions are harsh but let me provide a case study that shows I am right....again.
Rocket, the man also known as The Rookie, returned to the field soon after his finger was re-attached after an incident at the gym. Being driven to the hospital by the Chairman in Rocket's highly powerful BMW, Rocket held his finger by their very sinews that remained attached to his hand.
I'm reliably told that as Rocket started to pass out from shock and blood loss he spoke what he thought was his finals words " bet f---in Full Metal will expect me to play next week huh"
The Chairman, keeping his eyes on the road as he went deep into a left and turn on full throttle, put his left hand gently on Rocket's shoulder and said "YES, the idiot will".
Legend now tells us that Rocket did get ready to play that next week. But after inspecting his dodgy hand and almost puking, I let him have one more week off.
Other stories are told of the VC playing with hamstrings that were as tight as mesh steel wires. The Bulldog has carried dodgy knees since he joined us a sprightly 19 year old :)
These stories can continue. BUT I do offer Jonty a dispensation, the constitution does state that once you are 58 years or older you are allowed to have one game off at a time.
OK, if there is anyone still reading this stuff, I will make up a summary of last nights game.
With the following list of those who weren't available;
- Jonty, recovering nicely in his retirement village
- Rocket, chasing BBB up to Basecamp on his mountain bike.
- BBB wearing his Touchers game shirt as he carried Hydie and Dicko up the mountain,
- Scorpion with a bib on as he was face down in another dinner buffet at a corporate gig,
- G Plummer pig shooting out past Oberon
- SuperCoach wining and dining Pauline in Canberra.
- Muzza looking for any excuse not to play
- Locksmith in the final stages of his own pre-season training regime. Expected back next week
...the Toucher's took the field ready to take on the challenge of another game with a depleted playing unit.
The VC made his best decision of the year by bringing down his first born to play alongside him. Now due to her age she cannot be officially mentioned by name in the match report. But scoring two tries on debut was fantastic and maybe a view to the future with the corporation starting a women's team. I just heard the Chairman shudder as he reads this. Embrace female sportswomen mate.
Bulldog and R Plummer the greatest A grader of all time, both played with injury. RP with.... let's just call his concern the ability to keep the back door closed and Bulldog with knees as solid as the bridges BBB is crossing. Bulldog also took home with what looks like a torn rotator cuff. I'm awaiting to hear which recovery option he has chosen !!!!
Smithy had a great night as he was asked to ref the game before. It seems that seem people just get a buzz when put in charge and given a whistle. Sometimes that buzz can be a bit too obvious !!!
NOW we know that this article is not about me. However, for the first 4 weeks I have been taunted that I hadn't yet scored a try. Its not about the glory for me. I am team Toucher and like to sit under the soft light that is championship glory.
But last night the opportunity provided me with the chance to achieve some personal glory.
In following Garmin stats you will technically see the moment that I pleaded with the VC to pass me the ball.
Now isn't that pretty??
Well it's prettier than seeing me have to do a nude run at the end of the season. I suggest it was planned by the playing group to get me that try, so as to avoid seeing that run.
Now as I close I will provide you with the match result, we won 10-2. But they started with 6, then two went down with torn hamstrings and the game was called off with 5 minutes to go. The less mentioned of the game itself the better.
We do now, however, sit alone at the top of the table after our most likely Grand Final opponents lost their game late night.
Yours in need of a strong pain killer and a lie down
FMJ
PS: Have I jinxed myself into a debilitating injury next week. I bet some of you hope so after all that :)
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