As I trawled through the morning media today looking for results and match reports of the Narrabeen Touch Football C Grade competition, I was dumbfounded by what I was bombarded with in place of the information I was looking for.
You my fellow Touchers, may have not have been aware, I was sanctioned by my media employers post the Grand Final of last season.
The sanction was built around a litany of intrigue, innuendo, my in ability to see out a Grand Final 3 years running due to inappropriate play and instances of over the back fence voyeurism instances taking place by the executive group. Whilst it made for good content, it was not seen as appropriate activity in the eyes of my media employers.
So rather than reading prose about ISIL's takeover of land in Syria and northern Iraq and the spread of Ebola across western Africa and how they are using plasma transfusions to cure the nurse in Dallas and the storms that have lashed across NSW closing rail lines, airports and the local fish n chip shop in Ashfield; I have chosen to go out on my own and become a roving reporter in the field and report on the things that matter to the people of Terrey Hills, the Northern Beaches, greater Manly Warringah, Northern Sydney, the Cumberland Basin, the eastern sea board of the great state of NSW and the country we call Terra Australis. I won't be writing anything about Victoria though, nothing much going on down there other than a bit of landscaping.
The Overtouchers started the year softly softly, gently gently. Well that was the plan anyway. With the years increasing in age and the competition getting younger, the ole men from up on the escarpment have needed to change the way they play the game.
In their latter years in high level competition sport, the greats have all been able to make the adjustments required. Cricket legends Hadlee and Lillee learned to swing the ball both ways rather than barreling through the pads of batsman bathed in fear.Heck even Terry Ba Ba Lamb changed his method of play. But he chose a different path, that of taking out Ellery Hanley in the Grand Final to 'nullify' his capabilities.
So too have the Touchers changed the game plan. The speed at the play the ball is waning in this early part of the season but the completion rates are a lot higher than those still driving Mum's C Class Mercedes and working at the local Cafe on $10/hour.
Chairman Ballo has had the biggest offseason in years and is looking the part as he directs the troops up the middle. But as in past years many chose not to listen. I must admit personally that I enjoy the collaborative half time planning sessions. In our jobs most of us would have staff that we give direction and guidance to and have managers who do the same. But at around 730pm on a Tuesday we chose to ignore such skills and do what we want anyway.....its a pleasure to watch.
As was seen in the try setup by Mr Perpetual Motion. It was agreed that the Touchers would punch up through the middle, so the Locksmith decided to scurry off to the far right side of the pitch and then scurry back like a startled gazelle. Looking for his counterpart in the VC, he delivered a well timed hurl of the pigskin. With ball in hand the VC took off to the far left hand side without a hand laid on him to cross the stripe to give the Toucher's the lead that would not be surpassed as they took out the hard fought battle 4-2.
The Chairman with hand on hips turned his head and grumbled under his breath something about sticking to the game plan.
The opening try went to Committee Chairman of all things required, big man Milt. Milt is the seasons leading try scorer. Many are asking what did in the off season. Well my spy's are reporting that it has something to do with drinking Calf's blood and sitting on his back deck taking out stampeding wilder beast on his vast property with his registered firearm. But that's only rumours and you know this column doesn't promote rumours until two sources of truth have been confirmed !!!!
The team has welcomed the return of hitman Kiwi after a year in isolation where he chased the big bucks with another organisation.
Kiwi has built an alliance with Supercoach Bill and formed a partnership known as the Bash Brothers. These two will look to strengthen the middle this season whilst allowing those fleet of foot to do the pretty stuff.
Speaking of pretty stuff, BBB and Bulldog continue to be the fresh legs alongside VC and the Rookie this year. The Touchers have known each others roles after many many seasons as a unit and its these guys who will need to be high on the scoring sheet if the Touchers are to have a winning season.
BBB and the Rookie have blossomed after a tough off season of training and are delivering consistent performances. I think the Rookie is after a more inclusive ball playing role as he is creeping closer and closer into the ruck. I am not sure if he has passed Chairman Ballo's ball passing assessment yet. Its like the old Channel 7 pass through a hole on a board competition. You must a achieve an 8 out of 10 to be allowed to play the dummy half role.
Notable absentees last night were the Sponsor and Jonty.
It is the first game the premiership winning flyer has missed in 4 years. Some larks were stating that he had donned the wet suit, flippers and mask and dived into the harbour looking for that missing South Sydney Grand Final ring. I have never heard anything more ridiculous.....Jonty would have gone in in his Russell Crowe signed Rabbitoh budgey smugglers looking for his 'precious' like Smeagol in Lord of the Rings.
On that note I wish to get serious in this column with the understanding that such factual statements do incur a breach. I want to thank the guys for helping me as I gulped for air like a goldfish out of the bowl. For VC running to my car for the fresh air of my ventolin and for Bill, Christian and others helping me relax.
I will work with the Chairman on a 12 week swimming program to open the lungs within my barrel chest to bring me up to the standard that is an OverToucher.
Yours in gulping in fresh air and just confirming that at no time was I involved in any disagreements with ref and/or opposition.
FMJ
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